Thursday, April 10, 2014

#SayNoToRape by @toperants

 http://www.ynaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/say-no-to-rape.jpg
Why didn't you tell anybody?
Why didn't you run? 
If it was me, I would have slapped him.

All these words kept hitting me from all angles, I wanted to scream.
I was the one that was affected, yet no one cared to know if I was fine.
I could silently hear them hinting that I should just have kept it all to myself.
I could hear myself on the inside saying over and over
'I am the victim here'
But as usual I sucked it all in.
If you are reading this, don't judge me.
I kept it all because I was raised to respect the elders
I was raised to recognize that the elders are never wrong
I was raised to never correct their wrong
I was raised to accept their wrong as right
I was raised to be seen and not heard
I was raised to never have an opinion.
Is it a culture attributed to only Africa or Nigerians?
I cannot tell.


So I am forced to keep mum and I did for 10 years.
I was taught that sex was a sin
I was taught never to look at a man. 
I was taught to submit like a woman so that I would find a good man
But alas my sex organ were awoken
A little touch on my butt
A little squeeze on my breast.
And then it became agressive...
All the while I was in shock...
He is a father figure.
His love for me is just like that of my dad's
Or maybe it was a mistake, and he didn't mean it.
But is it not without my consent?
No it is wrong, but who do I tell?
I have reached the age of puberty, so maybe my mind is playing tricks
Or maybe my hungry desire to have a boyfriend is causing me to think thus
And so the mind game went.
My sister lay beside me one day and I whispered... "he touches me in a funny way".
"He plays with my thing in a funny way. I bled today"
A hot slap and a warning to never repeat such
So I became mute.
I learnt the opposite sex, my peers, my seniors, my fathers: all love me.
Some want more but I cannot commit.
Confidants, best friends, bread givers
But I cannot commit.
I lost the power to love when he toyed with my genitals
Still I had principles...sounds impossible but it is true.
Despite the foreplay, my virginity remained sealed
That's the rule at home.
I cannot be the exception.
So even though I am chaste, I am not.
God hates such and so in fear I trembled any time the males came close
A kiss and straight to the priest I go
I must confess lest I rot in hell.
They knew my life story...he did too
And so he waited till the time was right.
He took me and I refused
He took me and I screamed
He took me and I was naked
He too me and it was not with my consent.
He took me and I was voilated
He took me and I am no more a child
The act is done.
I don't need to add by force
But this time I speak up.
The human spirit was made to thrive
So I speak up
only this time I am lashing
I am angry

All I was taught was faulty
I drove prospects and invited suspects
I speak up and I find only hate
I speak up and still I cannot commit
The wound is deep
The scars have refused to heal.
I am not more a child, even at 25.
In my community he goes unpunished
But there is too much anger in me
But who do I blame?
My family, my community, or my religion?
All summoned me to keep shut.
I am a bitter leaf, but who do I blame?

I shared it with a friend, who tells a friend of a friend
And like wildfire everyone knows.
And once again I am at fault.
So I sit here quietly
Quietly wondering what my offense is.
Their voices begin to drown out my thoughts
But not before I asked myself.
"Do you want my younger ones to go through this?"
Hell no!
The silence is over
I will say no to RAPE!



Tope Olofin
www.toperants.com
@toperants

No comments:

Post a Comment