#SayNoToRape by @toperants

 

Why didn't you tell anybody?

Why didn't you run? 

If it was me, I would have slapped him.

All these words kept hitting me from all angles, I wanted to scream.

I was the one that was affected, yet no one cared to know if I was fine.

I could silently hear them hinting that I should just have kept it all to myself.

I could hear myself on the inside saying over and over

'I am the victim here'

But as usual I sucked it all in.

If you are reading this, don't judge me.

I kept it all because I was raised to respect the elders

I was raised to recognize that the elders are never wrong

I was raised to never correct their wrong

I was raised to accept their wrong as right

I was raised to be seen and not heard

I was raised to never have an opinion.

Is it a culture attributed to only Africa or Nigerians?

I cannot tell.

So I am forced to keep mum and I did for 10 years.

I was taught that sex was a sin

I was taught never to look at a man. 

I was taught to submit like a woman so that I would find a good man

But alas my sex organ were awoken

A little touch on my butt

A little squeeze on my breast.

And then it became agressive...

All the while I was in shock...

He is a father figure.

His love for me is just like that of my dad's

Or maybe it was a mistake, and he didn't mean it.

But is it not without my consent?

No it is wrong, but who do I tell?

I have reached the age of puberty, so maybe my mind is playing tricks

Or maybe my hungry desire to have a boyfriend is causing me to think thus

And so the mind game went.

My sister lay beside me one day and I whispered... "he touches me in a funny way".

"He plays with my thing in a funny way. I bled today"

A hot slap and a warning to never repeat such

So I became mute.

I learnt the opposite sex, my peers, my seniors, my fathers: all love me.

Some want more but I cannot commit.

Confidants, best friends, bread givers

But I cannot commit.

I lost the power to love when he toyed with my genitals

Still I had principles...sounds impossible but it is true.

Despite the foreplay, my virginity remained sealed

That's the rule at home.

I cannot be the exception.

So even though I am chaste, I am not.

God hates such and so in fear I trembled any time the males came close

A kiss and straight to the priest I go

I must confess lest I rot in hell.

They knew my life story...he did too

And so he waited till the time was right.

He took me and I refused

He took me and I screamed

He took me and I was naked

He too me and it was not with my consent.

He took me and I was voilated

He took me and I am no more a child

The act is done.

I don't need to add by force

But this time I speak up.

The human spirit was made to thrive

So I speak up

only this time I am lashing

I am angry

All I was taught was faulty

I drove prospects and invited suspects

I speak up and I find only hate

I speak up and still I cannot commit

The wound is deep

The scars have refused to heal.

I am not more a child, even at 25.

In my community he goes unpunished

But there is too much anger in me

But who do I blame?

My family, my community, or my religion?

All summoned me to keep shut.

I am a bitter leaf, but who do I blame?

I shared it with a friend, who tells a friend of a friend

And like wildfire everyone knows.

And once again I am at fault.

So I sit here quietly

Quietly wondering what my offense is.

Their voices begin to drown out my thoughts

But not before I asked myself.

"Do you want my younger ones to go through this?"

Hell no!

The silence is over

I will say no to RAPE!

Tope Olofin

www.toperants.com

@toperants